


Magnus forgets he can’t always fix everything

by theonetruenorth



Series: Shadowhunters headcanons [8]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Embedded Images, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Magnus Bane Needs A Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-05 02:25:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6685513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theonetruenorth/pseuds/theonetruenorth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec notices that something’s wrong the moment he sees Magnus. The warlock is sitting on the couch, a half-empty glass tumbler in his hands. He looks tired, somewhat small and defeated and Alec doesn’t like it one bit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Magnus forgets he can’t always fix everything

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Magnus forgets he can’t always fix everything](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11123481) by [Batty_Blue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batty_Blue/pseuds/Batty_Blue)



 

 

When Magnus gets called out for a job late one evening, neither he nor Alec make a big deal out of it. Magnus’ status as the high warlock means that sometimes he doesn’t get to choose his work hours. Of course, no one ever tries to force him to do anything and if he didn’t want to help he wouldn’t, but years of experience taught him which battles are worth picking. If the Seelie Queen requests your presence... well. It’s always good to have the Court owe you one, just in case.

So Magnus grabs his bag, the one with an assortment of supplies that he might need in special cases, kisses Alec goodnight and tells him not to wait up. Alec does, of course, but when the evening turns into middle of the night his body gives up and he falls asleep while waiting for Magnus to come home.

He wakes up shortly before dawn, after maybe a couple hours of sleep and he already knows that staying awake during the course of the day is going to be a struggle. The bed next to him is still empty and cold, but when Alec turns his head towards the direction of the door he can see a strip of light from the living room underneath it. He gathers the sheets around himself in a show of semi-modesty - in case Magnus isn’t alone - and reluctantly leaves the comfort of their bed.

Alec notices that something’s wrong the moment he sees Magnus. The warlock is sitting on the couch, a half-empty glass tumbler in his hands. He looks tired, somewhat small and defeated and Alec doesn’t like it one bit.

“It was a shtriga.” Magnus sighs, slumping even further into the cushions behind his back like he doesn’t have any more strength left to keep himself upright. “The Court knights dealt with it, but not before it attacked.”

Alec’s first thought is _‘what the hell is a shtriga even doing in the middle of New York, they are woodland demons’_ and his second thought is about the demon’s preferred victims.

Oh.

_Oh no._

Alec pads over to the couch, his bare feet making no sound against the wooden floor and he sits next to Magnus. Up close he can see that the warlock is lacking his jewelry and amulets, probably having removed them beforehand, so they wouldn’t distract his magic. His neck looks bare without the usual adornments and Alec wraps one arm around Magnus’ shoulders. The older man’s back is rigid, despite his hunched posture and he doesn’t yield when Alec tries to pull him closer.

Alec frowns but it’s only for a second before he smooths his expression out. Magnus doesn’t notice, his eyes downcast and focused on the glass in his hands. Alec follows his gaze and inhales sharply when he notices the blood on his fingers. Magnus obviously tried to wash it off at some point, but it seemed to be lingering stubbornly in the creases of his skin, underneath his fingernails. The fact that Magnus had not used magic to get rid of it must mean he completely exhausted himself.

“It cut her almost in half,” Magnus continues as if they didn’t share several long minutes of silence just now. “When I got there I thought I might be able to put her back together but the poison had already spread through her system.”

Alec shudders, using his free hand to gently stroke underneath Magnus’ chin, hoping against hope it might bring him at least a little bit of comfort.

“Six hours. That’s how long it took her to die.” Magnus turns his head to the side to avoid looking at Alec and the Nephilim presses a kiss to his temple. “Her mother had to give me her energy so I could keep going and it nearly killed her as well. _I_ nearly drained her dry.” Magnus swallows past the lump that formed in his throat. “I fought for her for six hours but in the end it wasn’t enough.”

Alec knows that Magnus takes an insane amount of pride in his skills - it would be false modesty to pretend otherwise. The title of high warlock doesn’t come easily and not without a price. It’s not something that just any warlock can achieve, no matter how much power they inherited from their demonic parent. It took years, decades, _centuries_ for Magnus to reach that level. And with the title came new commitments.

Magnus might seem aloof and flippant and careless to those not in his inner circle, but Alec knows better. As high warlock he can demand a staggering price for his magic but at the same time he’s bound into the service of others. He’s the first one that Downworlders come to when diplomacy is involved. His decisions help shape the fate of _all_ Lilith’s Children in New York, and they are his to defend and shelter. He is a teacher, confessor and peacekeeper all at once.

Magnus is, at his core, a protector. Just like Alec. He spent ages learning everything he could about healing others. He cannot afford to fail and he does everything short of draining his own life force to keep others alive. And when he can’t help them...

“It wasn’t your fault,” Alec says, knowing full well that it wasn’t really going to make the warlock feel any better. “You did everything you could.”

“She was only five,” Magnus whispers and Alec can feel his heart breaking underneath the pain and grief he hears in his lover’s voice. Five years means nothing to Magnus, it’s almost like a blink of an eye for him. But he understands the fragility of mortal life, probably better than most warlocks. “I should have done more.”

Alec turns Magnus’ head gently back towards himself and kisses his cheek, his lips, the tip of his nose. Magnus doesn’t move, doesn’t react at all, too lost inside his own thoughts.

Alec knows there’s nothing that he could say to make him feel better. Not yet, at least. Not until time allows Magnus the chance to compartmentalize everything, and separate his feelings of failure from his logic.

Until then, Alec is going to take care of him and shower him with kindness, since Magnus is currently unable to be kind to himself.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Every fic in this series is first posted to my tumblr and I upload it to AO3 with a delay. If you want to read my stories as soon as I finish them, follow me there: theonetruenorth.tumblr.com
> 
> Beta-read by [brizzbee](http://brizzbee.tumblr.com/)


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